The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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