wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
