dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
