i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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