The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
