I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
