The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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