Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
