It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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