I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize