I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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