there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize