Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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