WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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