yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize