Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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