I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
