don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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