I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
