she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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