I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
