I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
