at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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