Kiss
Puke
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Randomize
