i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
