Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
