I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
