Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Is it because I queefed?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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