and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
