Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
