Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Green mimosas i think yes
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
