I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
