Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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