Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
