You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
