my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i wish my penis had a tongue
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
she peed on how many people?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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