He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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