I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
