Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
