I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
