Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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