if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
