So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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