I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
