He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
