I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
3pm strippers are depressing
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
