i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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