Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
