Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
