How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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