And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
