Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize