if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
