So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
