I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
