dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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