Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
