DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
