She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
These tits shall not be calmed
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
