The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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