I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
did i just pee glitter
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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