I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
