I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
