he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
