It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I think my moral compass just broke
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
