Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
