She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize