trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
