You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
