my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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