it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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