the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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