I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
