after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
