My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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