Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
