YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
