he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
