I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize