I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
