My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
