addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize
