did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize