Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
