Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
