u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
