My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
