I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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