why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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