I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Randomize
