he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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