When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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