why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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