6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I have feelings that need drinking.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
