The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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