I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
