Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
