i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize