so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
