He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
