I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
