Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
