I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
