From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
