I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
