Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
