yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize