So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
